Complexities of Friendship

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"Not everyone has to be a close friend, but it’s integral to our happiness that we show people who we truly are, allow ourselves to know them in return, and then remind each other through actions—small or large—that we care."

- Lori Descene

As a new college student, having to build new friendships is simply part of the gig. The other day, I stumbled upon an article discussing the complexities of forming selfless friendships. The article called on individuals to reflect on their own lives and how they have built friendships. What makes a good friendship? Am I being a genuine friend to others?

Finding good friends can take time, and it's not always easy. Friends are those who make you feel good about yourself, who will laugh at the most embarrassing moment of your life to make you feel lighter. They are the ones who will be there for you during happiness and at times when you need them most. Friends are unique in that they can become family. It's hard to weed through the swarms of people to find the good ones. But when you do, it is so beyond worth it. When we find those friends, it's important to pour into them and nourish those relationships. One of the things I have been working on recently is being a better friend in each individual relationship. Every person receives love differently. Learning how to give that love is what transforms friends into family.

I am beyond grateful for the friendships I have found in high school, sororities, college classes, sports, work, adults and mentors, etc. We have so many lessons to learn from each individual relationship. After some reflection, I compiled a list that I think we all deserve to read, interpret, and practice.

1. Always be there, even in silence.

2. Be kind and listen. Be fun and light. Be serious when needed, love extensively, and forgive always.

3. Don’t be scared to tell each other the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.

4. Guide each other in times of need with your honest opinions.

5. A true friend is someone who always listens and is genuinely interested in the good and bad, and someone who calls or writes just to say hello.

6. Be loyal in confidence and character, always open and inviting to share concerns, always honest even if you disagree.

7. A true friend tries his best to cheer you up when you are upset and makes you feel special.

8. Try and improve their life through your friendship.

9. Be who you truly are, be that vulnerable, and provide the other person the space, safety and choice to do the same.

10. Be genuinely happy when they get, receive, or achieve something you truly desire.

11. Share the truth in your heart, without the fear of misunderstandings.

12. Be loyal and forgive but above all: love and respect.

13. Accept the person as they are, as an individual, without conditions. Also, as important as it is for you to be there for them, sometimes you have to be willing to let them be there for you.

14. Remain friends despite a person’s choices in life and don’t bail on them when they aren’t who you want them to be.

15. Help yourself and those closest to you grow. To live means to grow, and a true friend is someone that you can honestly say has helped define you as an individual.

16. Celebrate the wins and be there to support the losses. Keep your word and acknowledge it when you don’t.

17. Walk in to a friend’s aid when others are walking out.

18. Don’t hold grudges over petty disagreements.

19. A true friend is someone you feel as comfortable with as you do when you are by yourself. No illusions, no holding back.

20. Be there for the other person in the same way you would be there for yourself. Granted, if you can’t be there for yourself, that’s probably something you should address first.

21. Don’t let your own stuff get in the way. The ego is powerful.

22. Know someone’s least admirable characteristics and still love and support them.

If I have been reminded of one thing this year it is that friendship is invaluable. I'm still learning how to be a better friend, be 100% genuine, and support each individual relationship fully. The world is filled with good people and having the opportunity to actively seek out friendships in those people is so special. Friendships aren't perfect, but they are so fulfilling when formed out of love. Above all, just be kind and loving. When friendships grow through love, the rest follows.

- mads